Breastfeeding WILL NEVER be a reason why a marriage is falling apart
Many times breastfeeding consultants we become counselors, to our clients at times. There are many conversations I had have with breastfeeding moms and their partners too! In this article I will like to illustrate an issue that is not been given as much importance as it should, when it comes to how breastfeeding mothers don't feel understood or even supported by their partners. The other day for example, I got a frantic call from a Breastfeeding mommy who was really in distress. She told me that this is her, and her husband"s first child. They haven't been married for too long. They used to go out, have fun, and specially had a lot of sex, since they both are very sexual. However, since they had their baby and she wanted to exclusively breastfeed, things has changed. She feels tired all the time, don't have much sexual desire and expend most of her time attending the baby. Her husband? instead of been supportive and understanding is blaming breastfeeding to the fact that she doesn't want to have sex any more, doesn't take as much care of herself as she used to for HIM, and suggested she formula feed the baby. not only he is not supportive but is been MEAN to her and have the guts to tell her, that if she doesn't give him sex, someone else will! Ahhhhhhhh, Mmmmmmm
I told her that with all due respect, her husband was been SELFISH, non supportive and uneducated on this issue. As when a woman have a baby and is breastfeeding, she is going through many hormonal changes, many women (if not all) doesn't feel very sexual at all, at least for the first few months. They DO feel tired all the time, as that is VERY NORMAL and that expending this very special time bonding with her baby, was NORMAL too! and that without a doubt breastfeeding was the very best thing she could be doing for her baby and herself. I told her things will change soon, her libido will come back, the baby will grow up soon, and that time goes much faster than what we, many times realize.
She was crying because she didn't know how to make her (young) husband understand this, and was afraid her marriage will fall apart. And so I requested to speak with him, so I could explain things myself better. And so I did, after he accepted to have a conversation with me, and told him everything I said here, with the exception of calling him selfish;-)) but I sure told him he was not been supportive of her beautiful wife who was trying to do the best thing for their baby. I also told him many dads feel like this and it was in a sense, normal to feel left aside or abandoned by not having the full attention of their loved one, or enjoying sex as much and as often as they used to have. After a long conversation and explaining everything to him, he promised to be more supportive and apologized to his wife for what he said, in a moment of rage and stupidity that he will get sex from somewhere else if she didn't feel like having sex with him. I think he understood things better after talking to me.
few days later she called me again, to thank me for talking and explaining things to her husband. Telling me that he came home with a flower bouquet and asked her if he could do something to help her with the baby. She was crying over the phone, but this time of happiness and gratitude as well.
Husbands PLEASE be supportive of your women and the mother of your children. Breastfeeding is the most beautiful thing, besides childbirth a woman will experience in her life, BUT that doesn't mean it is easy, time consuming or tiring. This goes specially to young couples having their first child.
Please pass this post along, if you know someone that maybe going through something like this.